Practice Gone Dry
Rinpoche sent the following advice to a young student who had been offering service for a number of years at a center in India. She was very devoted, but wrote saying her mind had become very hard and dry, and she was unable to have any feeling in her practice, so she was requesting to resign and then to meditate on the lamrim for one to two years.
My dear one,
I understand your questions. Yes, definitely have a break. I understand very well your concerns and the feelings that you express. Regarding the boyfriend, I can’t really say, but generally it doesn’t really work out the way we expect. I think, mostly, it doesn’t really work out. So, I can’t really comment on the boyfriend part. I think you should try to do your best with this one.
Regarding the center, when the mind isn’t able to keep in the lamrim meditation, maybe because it wasn’t strong enough in the beginning, then it isn’t easy, even if you are at a Dharma center. There are many difficulties, financial difficulties, a small number of people helping (not enough people), so, with the stress of these things happening all the time for a long time, this is what happens with our students in the centers. Their minds become filled with problems, meditation on the lamrim becomes less and less, the feeling of the lamrim becomes less, then there is less compassion and feeling, less guru devotion, less bodhicitta. With this, the feelings becoming less and less, and then, of course, one becomes distant or feels distant from the Dharma. Even one’s commitments become dry words. One’s heart is distant, one’s heart is like being in a very hot desert, where there is no water, or in an extremely hot room with no air conditioning, so it becomes difficult to feel the Dharma.
I really appreciate your thinking to meditate on the lamrim and to bring Dharma back in your heart. So, I think your plan is a good one. So, definitely take a break and try to bring Dharma into your heart through the lamrim.
You are in my prayers every day, as you were in the past.
With much love and prayers...