Making Life Decisions that Benefit Others
A monk who had just disrobed asked for advice on whether to live with a woman he had met, who had two children. He also had his own children and a wife from before he was ordained.
It’s a complicated matter. Your wife may count on being with you again. This other woman might have another partner, even though she wants to be with you, and you may cause great suffering to the other man.
The way to make a decision here is by seeing which course of action brings the least harm to other beings. Make your life decisions on that basis. Otherwise, it’s very complicated. Let go of your self and make your decisions on the basis of cherishing others, by thinking how to bring about the most happiness for others. This way of making decisions is very clear and uncomplicated. It’s very healthy and also pure. No ego is involved when one makes one’s life decisions simply based on the thought of the happiness of others.
First, it’s clear that you should make whatever decision brings the most benefit to others. You can also analyze what would bring happiness to the greatest number of other sentient beings. Then choose that. There can also be cases where decisions should be based on which course of action brings deeper benefit or greater benefits.
These are all ways to bring objectivity into our decision-making process. Otherwise, life is a big confusion, and unskillful decisions can bring many problems and suffering to oneself and to others.
But, in worldly life, one decision will upset one person, another will upset another person. It’s always like that. In samsara, whichever way your decision takes you, there’s always somebody you can upset. If you stay with one person, someone else gets upset and jealous. If you stay with the other person, then the first gets upset and jealous.
In any case, enjoy your life in Dharma. Here, there’s no choice. Whatever your lifestyle, you have to practice Dharma.