Looking at Divorce in a Positive Way
A group of doctors came to see Rinpoche, and one of them raised the topic of dealing with divorce. Here is what Rinpoche said.
In regards to marriage, if divorce happens, let it happen. Don’t be too upset, because this means that you are experiencing past-life negative karma, such as from sexual misconduct in a relationship with a person who was involved with someone else, at a wrong time, or in the wrong place.
Divorce can also be the result of slander, of causing disunity and causing others to split. Your divorce comes as a result of those karmas. Therefore, you must think regarding this divorce, “She is leaving me, so the bad karma I created to be left is ending. It’s being purified.”
You must look at this situation in a positive way. This way brings peace of mind. It becomes like poison leaving your system.
So, if it happens, it happens. But, generally, pray to the Buddhas for what is best, for whatever is most beneficial for yourself and for others. That is the best way to define “beneficial.” You think: whatever is best in my life must be dedicated to the benefit of sentient beings. Whatever I experience—praise, criticism, even being reborn in the hells—may it be most beneficial for all sentient beings, for them to achieve enlightenment as quickly as possible. This becomes the best psychology.
Then when the problem comes, you think that the purpose of this problem is to cause happiness for all sentient beings and to free them from suffering. I will experience this relationship problem for everybody, so that they are all free from this relationship problem. I am just one person and there are numberless others. With this experience, I will take everyone’s relationship problems, and give them all peace. This way you are using the relationship problem, or the painful mind, on the path to end all sufferings and to achieve enlightenment. You are using it as the quick way to achieve enlightenment.
Your only real job is to work for sentient beings, to bring them to enlightenment. When you think like this, you are using the experience of your problem as medicine for happiness. The peacock transforms poison into medicine; for others it is just poison. By using your painful experience as a means to experience all other living beings’ problems, you are making it the best medicine for achieving enlightenment.
You have these relationship problems, where it is so painful to let go, so you must use this to relieve all sentient beings’ problems. There is so much suffering, anger, and jealousy, so you use this to create compassion. In some ways, this person is teaching you renunciation, teaching you freedom. She is teaching you renunciation from samsara, from attachment. This person is showing you a path to let go of the object. You must cut the attachment to the object. When you let go of the attachment, it brings satisfaction.
This experience is very good to use for meditation. When you are together, develop compassion. Think that you are here to serve all sentient beings.