Helping a Friend Die

As to your question, how to help your friend leave, one thing I thought of was Amitayus po-wa, of course. She can visualize this but it may not be easy for her to do that. Then, there’s the part of the lamrim where one lets go of everything (renunciation), bodhicitta, and the practice of the five powers. However, there are five powers for integrating into one’s whole lifetime, and then the five powers to be practiced at the time of death.

The very essence of what she should do, if possible, is to lie down more often in the position in which Buddha passed away into the sorrowless state. This is called the position of a snow lion sleeping. Lying on one’s right side, the right cheek rests on the right hand, and the left hand rests on top of the thigh. That is only if it is possible for her. Normally, too, the ring finger of the right hand is bent and rests on the upper lip. This is to stop the wind of attachment, so as not to die with the thought of attachment. It is due to attachment that one remains caught in samsara.

Dying in this physical position helps one to die with virtuous thoughts. Then, if one can think of how Buddha passed away, that also helps to remember Buddha. I guess how much can be explained about the position and the benefits of the position depends on how much she is able to understand. That helps with the conditions for dying with virtuous thoughts. Now, along with that physical preparation, there are the mental thoughts for dying the correct way—not only the correct way, but the beneficial way. These are thoughts for making even death—the last experience in life—beneficial for others, which is the most critical thing.

Whenever she wakes up, it is good for her to think in this way: “The purpose of my life is not only my own happiness, and not only solving my own problems. The goal of my life is to free others from suffering and to cause all happiness, temporal and ultimate, for others. I’m just one living being. My importance is nothing. How much I suffer or how much happiness I achieve is like nothing. There are numberless other living beings who want happiness, who don’t want suffering, and who need my help. Every one of them is the source of all my past, present, and future happiness. Each of them is the most precious one in my life. How very fortunate I am that I can let go of my self—from which all problems and all undesirable things come—and instead cherish others, experience their death and problems for them, and let them have all temporal and ultimate happiness.”

If she can do this meditation, she should take all beings’ suffering and death onto herself in the form of smoke. She absorbs it through her nose, and destroys the ego. The ego becomes non-existent. It would be extremely good if she can do this meditation.

In any case, each time she wakes up, she should think, “I’m experiencing death on behalf of all sentient beings.” Tell her to try to die with this thought. This way, she is dying for others. Dying with the thought of others is the best way of dying. All the buddhas, bodhisattvas, and holy beings will admire her. It will make them so happy that she is dying with this thought, and this is the best path for her to open the door to all happiness. This way, there is no suffering. There are no difficulties at the time of death. When dying like this, there is no fear, and also no lower rebirth: no hell, animal, or hungry ghost rebirth.

Also, you can tell her to pray from time to time throughout the day, while looking at a picture of His Holiness the Dalai Lama. He is the Compassion Buddha, the embodiment of all Buddha’s compassion in human form. Tell her to think that this is his nature, so he loves her. His compassion embraces her all the time. She should think like that.

Tell her also to look at Medicine Buddha’s picture, remembering Medicine Buddha. If she dies with the thought of Medicine Buddha, she will never be reborn in the suffering lower realms. Even just through hearing Medicine Buddha’s name and mantra, she has no need to be afraid of death.

She should pray to His Holiness and Medicine Buddha again and again, many times throughout the day, like this: “From now on, in all my future lives, may I become like them, having perfect, complete wisdom; perfect, complete compassion; and perfect, complete power to offer benefits as vast as the sky for all sentient beings. May I become like this from now on, and in all my future lifetimes.”

This prayer is most important for making her life most beneficial, bringing happiness, and becoming more than a wish-granting jewel for all living beings. That also includes her family. If there is anybody she loves, this is the best way to benefit them.

She should die either with this prayer, with the meditation, “I’m dying on behalf of all living beings,” or with the thought of His Holiness the Dalai Lama. She can think of His Holiness the Dalai Lama as always above her, on her crown. If she is able to do that, then from His Holiness’ heart, he sends beams of light through her crown down to her heart. Then there is no hollowness in the channel that the light beams pass through. The door below the heart is closed. Her consciousness is inside, the size of a mustard seed, and in the nature of white light.

Then red beams emit from His Holiness the Dalai Lama’s heart to her consciousness, and the red beams hook her consciousness and bring it to His Holiness’ heart. Then, her consciousness becomes one with His Holiness the Dalai Lama’s. She feels oneness with His Holiness’ holy mind, which has the nature of great bliss, infinite bliss. She should stay there as long as she can. Then, she should do the same meditation again, continually, or from time to time throughout the day.

At the moment when there are signs that death is nearing, like when the out-breath starts to become stronger than the in-breath, she can use this meditation, depending on what she is able to do. At that moment, whatever she can do, she should apply as I have mentioned.

When she thinks that she is dying, tell her to feel great happiness. She should think, “I’m unbelievably lucky to be able to experience my death for others, for the happiness of so many living beings, to free them from suffering. I’m unbelievably lucky to be able to use my death to achieve peerless happiness, full enlightenment, to use it to bring everyone to the highest happiness of full enlightenment.”

Tell her that I have already done prayers for her in front of Buddha’s relics. I made the dedication already and will pray again.

She should have Medicine Buddha’s picture and a very nice photo of His Holiness the Dalai Lama, with a very happy, joyful, blissful expression.

This is for her to do. Other things that you can do for her is to keep this photo of His Holiness the Dalai Lama, which I am sending to you, which was signed by His Holiness himself, near her. The two of you should make a Shakyamuni Buddha tsa-tsa and a tsa-tsa of a stupa, with mantras inside. Make it soon and keep it near her. You can also say Medicine Buddha’s mantra in her ear.

There are other things that can be done by you or by the person who is with her when the signs of nearing death are observed. Besides the out-breath being weaker than the in-breath, other signs are that the nostrils become flat and the eyes may roll and become larger. These are signs that death may come in one hour to an hour and a half.

It may be difficult for her to practice at the time of death, but it will be very helpful for someone who is with her to recite the Dalai Lama’s name or Medicine Buddha’s mantra in her ear. As death approaches, put her body into the snow lion position as I previously described.

Once the breath stops, do not touch her until the heat has gone from her body. It is extremely important that when she is touched, it should first be on the crown of her head. You can pull her hair at the crown, tugging it before the doctors and nurses come and touch her.

After the breathing stops, but before the consciousness leaves the body, place pills made of butter and sand from the Kalachakra mandala on the crown of her head. These pills should be made ahead of time and can also be placed on her crown before the breathing stops.