Giving Up Commitments
A student wrote to Rinpoche saying she had given up her practice commitments because she did not feel she had been doing them authentically, and she felt guilty and bad about that.
My very dear one,
How are you? I’m sorry I did not have time to speak to you in Germany. I understand very well your problem. Your problem is my problem too. It is very true. When I do pujas with other people, and they go very fast, it does not give a chance to meditate, and I don't want it to become just words. This is why I have difficulties doing pujas with others. But on the other hand, even if you are able to just recite the words, it is very good because it leaves positive imprints and it has only positive effects. It leaves positive imprints to realize the two truths, which is the basis of Buddhism, and to realize the path of Buddhism—method and wisdom. It also leaves the imprints to realize the qualities of the buddhas, which is the goal of Buddhism—to do perfect work for sentient beings. To achieve the rupakaya and the dharmakaya for sentient beings is the goal. There is still a huge difference between just reciting the words and watching TV or reading novels. Most of the time when they are not working, people spend their lives in activities that just cause attachment, anger, and ignorance to arise. Reading Dharma books and Buddha's teachings has a different effect. It is only positive. It pacifies anger, attachment, and ignorance.
One method is to do the longer version and more meditation on your main deity and do the short version of the other commitments, just the essence. The essential meditation in the sadhanas is the dharmakaya, sambhogakaya, and nirmanakaya meditation; the rest you can do quickly. This is according to Tsenshap Serkong Rinpoche. Even if you have stopped doing your commitments you can try to do them again.
If you are busy and want to abandon your commitments mentally, this is the most disrespectful. If you are busy and have the wish to do them but are unable to do so, this is lighter. Try to do whatever you can. To abandon them could create the cause to be unable to practice in the future. But if you are busy working for others and you miss your commitments due to that, there is no need to regret much. If you miss doing them because of laziness, then there is a loss; this is more your fault. This is what His Holiness the Dalai Lama used to say when I consulted him on this matter. Don't worry, and try again. The most important thing is to live life with bodhicitta, which becomes work for others.
With much love and prayer...