Dress Code and Conduct

Rinpoche: You were ordained by Kyabje Denma Locho Rinpoche, then you came to Arizona, and because you wore your robes then people were attracted to you.

Student: I was in a grocery store, walking down the aisle with a youngster who works there, she was probably sixteen years old, and she said, “I really like your outfit, it reminds me of Gandhi. It’s so peaceful.”

Rinpoche: That is great. I am very happy to hear that. You should know that is your benefit to the world. That is the benefit of just being Sangha, of wearing the robes.

If you were Sangha but you didn’t wear robes, then people would not know, but with robes on there is no question. That is how the robes have incredible benefit for the mind. When people show respect for your wearing the robes, or for the robes, this plants the seed of enlightenment, of liberation. This is how you benefit sentient beings, by planting the seed of liberation. Some people are attracted to the robes, and they might have the wish to be like that. Even if they can’t become Sangha in this life, just thinking that is purification. If they generate that wish even one time, they create karma to become Sangha in their next life.

What other comments have you had when wearing your robes? 

Student: People ask me questions. One man came up to me and said very respectfully, “May I ask you a question?” and I said, “Yes, but I may not know the answer.” He asked me what “Rinpoche” means.

You never know what people are going to say when they approach you. That’s the way he started the conversation, then he went into a lot of discussion on how he has asked other people questions who think they know the answer, but they usually don’t. He said how he had met people who said they didn’t know anything, and they knew a lot, those were the ones who knew something, and other people who said they knew a lot, but it turned out didn’t know much.

I can’t remember everything he said, he talked for a long time, and finally I said, “Please have a seat,” because he was standing up talking. It was in a coffee shop, and he said, “Oh, yes. I would never presume to be so disrespectful to sit before you have invited me.”

Also, one time I was at a gas station pumping gas. The woman in the car in front of me said, “What religion are you?” I said, “Buddhist” and she said, “That’s what I thought.” Then she waited a while, she was pumping gas, and then turned to me and said, “Do you like your religion?”

Rinpoche: That’s a very important question because of what’s happening in the world. Because of some religions so many people die, they harm others in the name of religion.

Student: I said, “Yes, I love it” and then she said, “I’m glad, because I hate mine.” She really said that. Then when she was ready to leave she said, “Have a nice day.” She couldn’t think of anything else to say. I think what she was trying to do was to say thank you for something.

Rinpoche: That’s great. When you go out you are bringing great peace. You should be so happy, you should be rejoicing all the time.

Student: I do, I do. You probably already know this, but before I go out, I try to be mindful enough to always say, “May the minds of all those who see these robes be blessed until they reach total enlightenment.”

Rinpoche: It is very good to motivate in this way. But do you say “bliss” or “blessed”? Bliss is good, but there are many types of bliss. Hindus have bliss, kundalini, bliss of chakras, and also through meditating on shamatha they have bliss. Hindus have that bliss that causes you to be born in the form and formless realms. In these realms there is so much bliss but still it is samsara. If there is no refuge, no bodhicitta, no renunciation, then it is just samsara, nothing special.

Lower tantra also has bliss, but if you pray for highest tantra bliss, which is the clear light bliss and void, then that’s good.

The following is what you should pray as a motivation or also as a dedication:

Through the merits of the three times collected by me and others, may anyone who sees me, touches me, remembers me, thinks about me, talks about me, sees my pictures, may all their negative karma immediately be purified, and may they never ever be reborn in the lower realms.

May they find faith in refuge and karma, refuge in Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha and karma, then actualize bodhicitta, which is vast like the sky.

After they have actualized bodhicitta, may all their wishes be fulfilled.

This comes after they have actualized bodhicitta because then whatever they wish for is according to the Dharma. It is important that you make this prayer after they have achieved bodhicitta, otherwise maybe somebody has the wish to harm the world and then you are creating success for their wish. Also, you can add “according to the Dharma,” and then it makes it very clear. Otherwise, you could be praying for someone to harm another or even for someone to commit suicide; many people want to die.

May they never be born in the lower realms.

May their sicknesses immediately be healed, as well as any sufferings of the body and mind.

May they be free from spirit harm.

May they achieve the path to enlightenment by quickly achieving bodhicitta.

And especially may they be liberated from their negative karma and actualize Lama Tsongkhapa's teachings.

This is the way to pray.

Regarding when people ask you what the robes mean, it is good to prepare the answer. A few years ago, when we were in Madison, two students had just taken ordination. Every time they went out people were happy and wanted to talk to them. Many times they asked what the robes meant. We all decided that it would be good to answer in the same way.

Here is the story about that:

“One evening in Deer Park, USA, six Sangha members were sharing stories about strangers in the grocery stores, book stores, gas stations, etc., who come up to us and either tell us how happy they are to see us or ask us why we are wearing robes. One of the monks looked at Rinpoche and asked, "What is the best way to reply to a child who asks me why am I wearing robes?" Rinpoche asked each of the Sangha what they would say and then Rinpoche offered his reply:

'I follow the Buddha, who has compassion for all, who has shown the complete path to achieve perfect, complete happiness and freedom. The foundation of our practice is not to harm others or ourselves and to help benefit others as much as we can. For that purpose, I shave my head and wear robes, which is the easy way to practice Buddhism. The meaning behind this is to be free from the cycle of death and rebirth and from the cause of all afflictive emotions, such as ignorance and attachment, which bring all the pain and confusion in this life.'

 “Rinpoche said we can elaborate or take the essence of this message, depending on the circumstance and situation, who you are speaking to, etc. Rinpoche said, of course, if you know something better to say then say that, otherwise you can say the above. Rinpoche said this is just to give you an idea what to say, it’s not like you should only say this or just read the card.

“Each time you explain why you are ordained, the reason gives you the opportunity to awaken other sentient beings’ minds and to enlighten them. It gives you the opportunity to free them from all sufferings and bring them to ultimate happiness, enlightenment.

“We developed the idea of carrying ‘business cards’ with the following things on the front: our name, a very beautiful picture of the Buddha or His Holiness the Dalai Lama, the address and phone number of the closest FPMT center, or FPMT International Office, the FPMT web address, and email address. On the back we could print the paragraph of Rinpoche's explanation.”

So, that means when people ask you about the robes, you have a great opportunity to educate them, otherwise they might think we are like Indian sadhus.

Some Western monks and nuns have got the habit when they sit down of bringing their legs up too high and then bringing them down, which exposes their secret places. When Lama and I first came to the West, we were at Geshe Sopa’s place. Lama Yeshe requested Geshe-la to start a center, and he started it when we were there. Some students were sent from Kopan to study with Geshe-la. One day Geshe-la asked me to give a talk in his sitting room. He taught me how to sit on a couch. You face the students and slowly bring your legs in under your robes so you don't expose anything. Geshe-la was teaching conduct.

You asked whether there is a time when it is appropriate to wear sleeves, for example, when you go to Europe, to look more normal, or in cool weather. Generally, it is better not to wear sleeves. But if it's unbearably cold, then sometimes wear them. Otherwise, try not to, OK? Otherwise, what happens is, you get habituated to wearing sleeves and wear them most of the time, even when there's no need. Sometimes you see people wearing them even though there's no need. You have to remember, before taking the 36 vows, the getsul vow, there is an intermediate ordination. Before that, you make a request to the abbot, and before that is the upasaka vow. Intermediate ordination involves avoiding the lay marks and signs.

Renouncing the lay marks and signs, which have the motivation of attachment, means not wearing white or black, sleeves, or having long hair. The main aim is to renounce attachment. The Buddha chose to wear red and yellow colors because in the Buddha's time those were considered bad colors. So he chose those in order to tame and subdue the mind, have less delusion on the path to liberation and quickly achieving enlightenment, and to have a happy and generous mind. Therefore, you shouldn't follow other Sangha who are not following the Buddha's example. Anything that fits with the vinaya, the Dharma, and is a good example should be taken. So, if the cold is unbearable, then it’s OK to wear sleeves, but otherwise, try to avoid it.

You have to analyze whether living in the vow or not living in the vow is more beneficial. Do what's more beneficial for developing the mind. At first, you have to abandon certain things in order to develop the mind. You have to see what is to be avoided and what is to be practiced. Then, later, when the delusions are gone, then you go back to those things you had to abandon at the beginning. Beneficial doesn't mean beneficial for all time, forever, it means in order to develop your mind. There are the examples of eating meat and drinking alcohol. When one reaches a high level of tantra, with control over the winds and channels, and one has realizations of clear light, then alcohol cannot affect you; alcohol helps you develop the clear light. Meat helps you develop the illusory body; it develops sperm seed, so there's benefit in eating it at that time, like garlic and black foods. It doesn't become dangerous for you. At that time, you will have already practiced tantra, with the realization of guru devotion, seeing the Buddha as the guru, one guru as all buddhas, and one buddha as all gurus, and have a stable renunciation of samsara and attachment. When attachment is gone, totally eliminated, then there is no self-cherishing thought, only cherishing others. Then, there is the realization of emptiness and the realization of the clear light, which is already the mind. We have to achieve enlightenment. Before these later stages, your body/mind doesn't have control, and you have to abstain from the dangers. But your mind will develop and change.

So, to return to your question, you need to take the vows seriously. If you follow the vinaya, you become an inspiration and example to others. You inspire others to practice the vinaya and morality. Without saying anything, if you take your vows seriously, you become a teaching for others. Inspiration comes from that. Otherwise, it can make others degenerate the vinaya. You need to respect the abbot like Lord Buddha. According to the Hinayana, you don't see him as Buddha, but you respect him as Buddha, like a father. The abbot should help and guide you like a son.

Regarding your question about sometimes having to eat after 12:00, if you have taken the eight Mahayana precepts, but you have a job or something, and you can't have lunch before 12:00, there's still benefit in keeping the vow, even if you have to eat after 12:00. After lunch, then don't eat. So, that's still fasting, that's still the vow. In the morning, don't say, “I'll fast after 12.” If you're not sure what time you’ll be able to eat, say “After lunch I won't eat.” Make the vow in that way. Sometimes something happens and you have no choice over whether you can eat before 12:00 or not, for example, if you are traveling. This is not due to laziness or a mistake, but due to circumstances. Try, if you have the freedom, to practice the fasting vow for one year. That doesn't mean after a year you never keep that vow, but at least keep it purely for some time, so in your life there's a certain period where you kept it purely. The general idea is to keep it as much as one can. It helps in monasteries or communities where there is a group doing the vinaya practice. Then, there's a proper lunch but no dinner. Individual people who are hungry can have dinner, but the community doesn’t have it. Sometimes I tell Sangha, if you are settled in one place, then try to fast. It's not just for you, but for other sentient beings, to free them from the cause—delusions and karma—and bring them to enlightenment.

If someone asks you why you are wearing robes, you can say:

“I follow the Buddha, who has compassion for all, who has shown the complete path to achieve perfect complete happiness and freedom. The foundation of our practice is not to harm others or ourselves and to help benefit others as much as we can. For that purpose, I shave my head and wear robes, which is the easy way to practice Buddhism. The meaning behind this is to achieve freedom from the cycle of death and rebirth and from the cause of all afflictive emotions, such as ignorance and attachment, which bring all the pain and confusion in this life.”

You can elaborate or take the essence of this message, depending on the circumstance and situation, who you are speaking to. Of course, if you know something better to say, then say that, otherwise you can say this. This is just to give you an idea of what to say, it’s not like you should only say that or just read a card.

Each time you explain that you are ordained and why, it gives you the opportunity to awaken other sentient beings’ minds and to enlighten them. It gives you the opportunity to free them from all sufferings and to bring them to ultimate happiness: enlightenment.

The Sangha members then mentioned the idea of carrying "business cards" with their name, a beautiful picture of the Buddha or His Holiness the Dalai Lama, and the contact details for the closest FPMT Dharma center on the front. On the back they said they could print Rinpoche's explanation. Rinpoche said that this would be beneficial for them and others.

I want to emphasize how important it is to wear robes properly because people’s devotion and interest, being drawn to Buddhism, to the Dharma, planting the seed of liberation and full enlightenment, depends on how you behave. This includes how you wear the robes—correctly, neatly, nicely.

If others see Sangha as very compassionate, kind, and warm-hearted, not ignorant but having discriminating wisdom and Dharma education, they are drawn to them. They are impressed by the clarity of Buddhism, which is difficult to find in other religions. If you are wearing messy robes, people will not like it; they might think it is a sign that the person has a messy mind and a confused life. So, it is important to wear the robes neatly and correctly.

In Tibet and Nepal, one can wear old tattered robes, because it is a different world. But one should wear good robes in the west, not tattered but neat, so that it doesn’t create a bad reputation for Buddhist nuns and monks, giving people a negative idea that they are strange, instead of rejoicing at their behavior. One shouldn’t wear the robes sloppily, looking messy.

I remember, in England, somebody tried to meditate in a cave, and the people thought there was something wrong with that person’s mind; they interviewed the person and thought their mind had gone wrong, rather than seeing the quality of an incredible person with strong determination and renunciation, giving up the desire of clinging to this life—a very important fundamental practice.

Renunciation is the greatest quality to clear the obstacles to the attainment and continuation of Dharma practice, but that is not known in the west—people think there is something wrong with you if you have this, that you are unable to live in Western society. Their view of a good life is getting married, having children, and living in a luxury home, with a highly paid job; they cannot think of anything higher. Anything higher than that—up to liberation and enlightenment—is unknown, doesn’t exist.

Lama Yeshe’s advice was to wear good robes. Some monks wear trousers under the shemtab and then the shemtab looks completely messy, long in some places, short and caught up in others—very sloppy. The danger of one person doing this is other people copying them. So, wear it properly. Normally, in Sera, Ganden, or Drepung monasteries, nobody wears trousers under the robes. Actually, I haven’t seen Tibetans wearing robes with trousers underneath. Instead of trousers you can wear a thick, warm underskirt. Many Tibetan nuns wear an under-dress that comes straight down and folds around the waist like a chuba.

If you want to wear warm things such as pullovers, you should wear them inside the dongka; wearing them outside looks messy. If one person wears it outside, then another person sees it, then another, and many people take it as an example. Sleeves are normally a part of lay dress, which we take vows not to wear, but if one is sick there is probably permission to do this. Being cold is not a reason to wear sleeves. If you do this you will get habituated to it, like some people have.

Some Sangha wear their zen thrown over the shoulder or wrapped around the neck like a scarf. There seem to be a few Sangha doing this nowadays. Many people don’t know that this is a disrespectful way to wear the zen. Throwing the zen carelessly over the shoulder or around the neck is perceived as very disrespectful in front of the abbot of a monastery, your own abbot, or gurus.

As you meet a teacher, always lift and hold the long end of the zen respectfully. If you are sitting in front of the guru, abbot, or senior monks, you should hold the zen doubled back over the right arm. As you enter the room you lift the end of the zen from on top of the right arm and draw it back across the shoulders respectfully.

If you have a long zen you can hold the right side of the zen on the left and bow. If you only have a short zen obviously you can’t do that as there would be no zen left on half of the body! It’s OK, as long as you don’t wrap the zen around your neck. As you sit in teachings you can spread the long part across your lap and hold your hands respectfully in your lap, the right hand loosely held by the left. You can still sit in front of senior monks with your hands in the respectful position.

Although the zen wrapped around the right arm is considered disrespectful in the Tibetan tradition, it is the style of the Theravadins, so it’s OK for them to do that, and you shouldn’t be upset with them. If you are wearing a hat, you should take it off in front of the guru—no question about the abbot of a monastery or very high senior monks, and especially when receiving teachings from the guru. It is explained in the lamrim that hats should be abandoned.

It is explained in the 50 Verses of Guru Devotion and in the discussion in Liberation in the Palm of Your Hand how to listen correctly to teachings, both physically and mentally. Leaning on walls etc., sitting disrespectfully, stretching your legs out toward the guru or altar, even stretching the legs out in the presence of the guru, is disrespectful, no matter where they are pointing. Also, hugging the knees is disrespectful. On certain occasions, such actions are allowed. If one is traveling, going on pilgrimage, or sleeping in the same room as others, there is permission to do these things. It doesn’t mean one has to sleep sitting upright with one’s legs crossed! Also, there is permission from Buddha for exceptions to be made for sick people. If one is sick, there is no choice, and one can ask for permission—it is not rigid.

Of course, this doesn’t apply only to Sangha; if you are respectful to the guru, to statues, stupas, and scriptures, you don’t create heavy negative karma. Also, this applies not only in a guru-disciple relationship; the same applies in the presence of any higher beings, statues, stupas, or scriptures, or with elder, higher Sangha—even if they are not actually talking to you.

I think many people don’t know or don’t remember these points so I thought to mention them. There might be other things that are disrespectful without one knowing, but these are what I will mention for now.

Also, I have heard that some Sangha wear lay dress when traveling. I don’t know that this is a good idea. It is against the vow you took. When you took the getsul vows, you took five “definite” vows that continue until the time of death; these vows don’t say “Only wear the robes in the monastery, when you travel you don’t have to wear the robes.” The vow wasn’t made that way; it was for all the time. The vow to not separate from the robes is the morality of the intermediate ordination of renunciation, renouncing the lay signs and customs, and always wearing robes. The vow was made at that time.

If you wear robes it educates those who do not know the robes of Buddhist monks and nuns, particularly Tibetan Buddhists. It is like advertising. The best, most inspiring image that people come to know is that Buddhism is something that doesn’t harm others, that benefits and brings peace to others; something that offers wisdom and compassion, not demanding blind faith; something very profound and deep.

Many monks from different monasteries have come to the west on tours, well prepared as good examples, performing religious dances, etc. I heard many people were inspired by their behavior and that people got a good feeling from them as being knowledgeable, peaceful, and kind. Western people were very impressed; this makes them interested in Buddhism. Of course, the monks are chosen by the monastery, not anyone can go, they are selected. For example, the Drepung Loseling monks did the first tour of Brazil. After their tour of religious dances, etc., many people were inspired, and I heard from our study groups and centers in Brazil that after that tour more people came to learn meditation.

If you are traveling, wearing the robes neatly and properly, and people see you as kind, compassionate, and educated, not having an ignorant, blind, thick-skulled mind, but having wisdom, there are many benefits, one of which is to educate the world about Buddhists—particularly Tibetan Buddhists—monks and nuns.

My experience when traveling is that from time to time people who have no connection with Dharma, have negative imprints, or maybe are religious extremists may get upset, but I know also many times people get inspired when they see someone wearing robes and definitely they think it is special. So, they collect a lot of merit and plant the seed of enlightenment through their interest.

For example, in the constitution of Takpo Shedupling Monastery, the monastery of Pabongka Dechen Nyingpa’s guru, Takpo Rinpoche, which is in Tibet on the way to Lhamo Lhatso, it is mentioned that because lay people have to carry very heavy loads when they travel and their lives are very hard, when they see a monk dressed in neat and clean robes, not carrying huge loads like themselves, they see him as having freedom; they are very impressed and feel devotion. This plants a seed of liberation in their minds. So, there is much benefit; it causes them to create the cause to become Sangha, to remember Buddhism, to live in the vows, and to follow the path to liberation and enlightenment.

A similar example is of Buddha’s main disciple, Sharipu, who had so many opportunities to be with Buddha because of what happened in one of his past lives, when he was traveling and stopped overnight in a house. While he was fixing his shoes he noticed on the wall of his room a painting of a buddha, which he thought was very beautiful. He continued fixing his shoes and again looked at the painting thinking how beautiful it was. Because of that cause, in his next life he was able to be Buddha’s heart disciple, Sharipu, who was very wise, and had the opportunity to be with the Buddha.

When you wear the robes properly, behave correctly, and show kindness, others can see the manifestation of how we normally practice compassion and have wisdom; it definitely plants the seed of liberation and enlightenment. Even if you don’t have any actual realizations, with compassion, the thought to benefit others—to free others from the oceans of samsaric suffering and its causes, and bring them to liberation and enlightenment—you are taking responsibility for others’ happiness, for them to receive liberation and enlightenment, to free them from samsaric suffering, whose continuation has no beginning.

You can benefit many sentient beings so much, even with your excellent behavior; you can bring them to liberation and enlightenment through proper behavior. Think of this as part of the practice, not with ego, the eight worldly dharmas, but thinking, “This is my way of liberating sentient beings and bringing them to enlightenment.”

For example, there is one arhat called Pakpa Tathul. Through his excellent behavior many sentient beings received incredible benefit, and their minds were tamed. So many sentient beings’ minds were pacified of delusions and became subdued because of his excellent behavior. He helped many sentient beings achieve realizations.