Benefiting Your Parents

Maybe go there after five months, but the most important thing you can do for her is practice—recite the King of Prayers and mantras for her and for all sentient beings, but particularly for her. Pray for her not to be reborn in the lower realms, to die with bodhicitta, and then to either be reborn in a pure land and achieve enlightenment or to take a perfect human rebirth, meet a Mahayana guru, practice the path and by pleasing most the guru, achieve enlightenment as quickly as possible.

That is the most important thing you can do for her, and you can do that wherever you are, in Africa or in Tibet, etc. If she is being taken care of well, then the most important thing that you can do for her is to make prayers for her.

With much love and prayers ...

My very dear, most precious, most kind, wish-fulfilling one,
I am sorry it took a long time to reply to what you asked. I think you did mention at the airport that your mother had very bad depression and did not have an open mind to the spiritual path. Yes, it is very right from your side to have unconditional loving kindness; in the Mahayana teachings that is the most important subject.

The way to think is that you received all the past happiness from beginningless time from your mother, and on top of that all your present happiness, and on top of that all the future happiness. Not only this life’s happiness, but ultimate happiness, liberation from samsara—the total cessation of all the obscurations and the completion of all the realizations—full enlightenment.

The word enlightenment has been used since Buddhism came to the West, when Western people started to take interest and learn, that was when the word enlightenment started to be used, but it didn’t have much meaning. It means “light dispelling the darkness.” But enlightenment means much more than that. In Tibetan the word is sang gye. Sang means the elimination of all the obscurations and gye means having fully developed all the realizations, nothing more to gain, to actualize everything, it is completed. So it is an unbelievable, unbelievable, unbelievable, most rich meaning, but just saying enlightenment now, people who know the word, who have been learning Buddhism, the word itself doesn’t give that same meaning. That’s why I translated sang gye, so you know the exact meaning.

Your mother is most kind, most dear, most precious, your wish-fulfilling one, therefore from your side offer her every single benefit that you can, because she is the most important one. Now like this, all the rest of the sentient beings—the numberless hell beings, numberless hungry ghosts, numberless animals, numberless human beings, numberless sura beings, numberless asura beings and the numberless intermediate state beings—they all are exactly like her, the most kind, most precious, most dear, wish-fulfilling one. So every single benefit, big or even small, every single benefit that you can offer to others and to her, it’s unbelievable.

Your mother is cherished most by numberless bodhisattvas, not just by one bodhisattva, but by numberless bodhisattvas, just as the mother cherishes most her beloved child and offers the best to the child, whatever she can give. The mother cherishes her child more than anything; the child is most important, even more than her own life, so like that incredible love and compassion and care. Like that numberless bodhisattvas cherish all sentient beings more than themselves, they give up themselves without one single attachment and cherish others. They have totally renounced self and cherish others most.

For the numberless bodhisattvas, your mother is more precious than the whole sky filled with wish-granting jewels—not only filled with dollars and diamonds but with wish-granting jewels. Your mother is cherished most by the numberless bodhisattvas, more than the whole sky filled with wish-granting jewels, so like that, this is how they cherish all sentient beings, this is how they think. To purify and to free all the sentient beings from the oceans of samsaric sufferings and to purify the cause of the sufferings—delusion and karma, and not only that, but to purify all the subtle defilements and bring them to sang-gye, the total elimination of all the obscurations and completion of all the realizations. To bring all the sentient beings to the omniscient mind, so then they try to actualize the path, purify the defilements and collect merits in order to complete the path, to achieve omniscient mind.

Now the buddhas, Shakyamuni Buddha and all the buddhas cherish your mother most, more than Buddha himself. There is no cherishing I; even bodhisattvas don’t have attachment to I, it has been given up a long time ago, even before having actualized bodhicitta. Numberless bodhisattvas cherish her most, they work for her, according to her karma. Therefore you can see how important it is for you, due to your connection with your mother this time, every single benefit that you can offer her—this is the best offering to numberless bodhisattvas and numberless buddhas. You can see that even offering a small benefit to her is the best offering to numberless bodhisattvas and numberless buddhas.

For the buddhas and bodhisattvas all sentient beings are like that. Just as the mother cherishes her beloved child most, for bodhisattvas and buddhas all sentient beings are like this. Please think this way, not only about your mum, but about all sentient beings.

You can recite the mantra of Vajra Armor for your mum, to benefit her. As you don’t have the initiation you cannot generate as the deity, but visualize the deity in front of you.

When you do Vajrasattva think that your mother is in your heart on the moon disc, and also all sentient beings are there, with your mother in the center, so you purify together, not only yourself but purify all together. Also when you recite OM MANI PADME HUM, visualize Chenrezig sending beams to her, purifying her defilements and negative karma, sufferings and depression totally, so she is liberated. At the end she receives all the qualities and she becomes Chenrezig, as well as all sentient beings and yourself if you have received Chenrezig initiation in the past. If you have not received the initiation then you don’t become Chenrezig, but think you receive all the qualities, as well as all sentient beings and your mum.

This is my message to you. I am very, very, very sorry it took a long time and I hope to see you very, very soon. From time to time if there anything you have to ask, please inform me.

With much love and prayers...

My very dear William,
How are you? I hope you got my cards from your daughter. I am sending you these books. Please enjoy reading them. Maybe you can read them before going to bed. You could also read the books in your dreams.

I met your wife in Portland, in the teachings. I was so surprised to see her and it made me extremely happy that she came all that way for the teachings. I am looking for more surprises like this in the future, unexpected things. Also, maybe liberation and enlightenment might happen in this way, unexpectedly.

With much love and prayers, and big love to mother,

Lama Zopa

PS. I hope you enjoy this poster as well, of the holy Mount Kailash.

One thing is for them to see that you have found happiness and satisfaction by meeting the Buddha’s teachings. That may impress them, and cause them to wonder what Buddhism is.

Then, on top of that, as you become more loving and kind to them, this will definitely cause them to take an interest in Buddhism, to read and to learn. Then they might even come to His Holiness the Dalai Lama’s teachings or to other lamas’ teachings.

So, it is good for you to go, in this case, to visit your parents, and along the way you might help them, by explaining Dharma to them. This way you are repaying their kindness in the best way, by engaging their interest and explaining the Dharma to them. Then you will know that you have done what you can. You won’t have any regrets, thinking, “Oh, I didn’t think of them, I didn’t get to help them.”

My suggestion is that you can’t expect to make them happy. This is very difficult to do, and you might lose the chance to do other meaningful things and benefit other sentient beings.

Do what you can. Go to see them from time to time. When you are there, the best way to repay their kindness is to explain the Dharma to them, and encourage and inspire them to practice Dharma. Then, you will cause them to receive a good rebirth, because what they need is liberation from samsara. There is no future in just giving them mundane happiness. It doesn’t help them in the long run. You can try to make them happy, but you can’t expect them to be happy all the time. So, your main concern should be to repay their kindness in this way. Concentrate on putting effort into this for their sake.